A Family For Every Child

First Family Photo

This fall Don and I became parents to a beautiful, alert, vibrant, and most wonderful baby boy-Langston Walter. We came into parenthood quite unconventionally--deciding to adopt our son was one of the most blessed experiences of our life. Many have asked us why adoption? The answer quite simply is:

Adoption was the best way for us to build
our family.

We wanted very much to be parents. We wanted to love, nurture and cherish a child. We wanted somewhere to place this nesting instinct that propped up in our thirties and wouldn't let either of us go. We believed that we were 'called' to be parents in much the same way another is called to preach. Meeting Langston for the first time confirmed this calling beyond a shadow of a doubt. The fact that

his birthmother choose us

further confirmed our destiny to be a family. In making this very personal decision to adopt our son, we knew that we were choosing a path less traveled but had no idea how important this path would be to our community. We opted for a private adoption, another nonconventional method for African American family building.

We wanted our firstborn to come to us with the knowledge that he is not a possession to be 'given' but a blessing prayed for, desired and expected.

African American children are more likely than any other group to enter the foster care system as very young children and remain in the system until they reach the age of maturity. African American boys are more likely than any other group of children to be shuffled from one placement to another so that by the time they achieve the age of maturity--18 or 21 depending on where they live--they will be less likely to have experienced what most of us take for granted...family.

It is so critical for African Americans to seriously
consider adoption as an option for family building.

Don and I made a very personal decision. We did not choose adoption to begin a campaign for African American adoption but now that we are parents, we can't imagine a world where every child isn't considered as precious and worthy of family as our son. So after many nights of less sleep and a lot of contemplation, we've decided if not us than who? If you know a family interested in adoption but who has been afraid because of the media scare...and there's a lot of it...please refer them to this post and they can contact us directly. We truly believe that there is a family for every child.

De-Cluttering Your Way to Paradise

Greetings to Everyone!

We took off the summer from the blog (quite unintentionally) to enjoy ourselves, as we went to family reunions, took a nice vacation in Mexico (evident by the picture in this post), and spent time with family and friends. We hope your summer was as enjoyable, but after several inquiries from friends and cohorts, we're back!!

A good amount of soul searching took place as well. Just recently, we decided to clean our basement -- with the help of our friendly domestic assistant who came to our aid several times this year. To my surprise (I really wasn't surprised, just overwhelmed), my collection of papers went back nearly ten years. Ever had an issue you just knew you had to face, but never really wanted to? This is a life lesson that I found out recently just how badly I needed to learn, even though I knew I had to, just never had the courage to get it done.

Now, today at church we had a member come back just to spread his message of love and redemption, a man many of you may know as Kem. Kem Owens spent many years struggling with addiction and overcoming obstacles on the road to his recovery, finally opening his life to the possiblities enough to let his gift of music shine for the world to see. One of the things he said was that courage does not mean absence of fear. To have courage means to persevere in spite of the fact you are afraid. I knew exactly what he meant, and saw the blessing of this lesson myself.

See, I've been dealing with clutter all my life. Not that I have a love affair with paper. I actually hate seeing it. But many times I hate dealing with it, figuring I can always sort through it later. It doesn't help that I have a government analyst job that deals with nothing but paper, where every move you make seems to require to touch, write on, or create another sheet generated from the robbing of Mother Nature's forests. It's like letting a choco-holic loose in a candy factory -- no gain, no recovery from the madness, only enabling the problem even further. And I always knew that I would have to do something about that basement. If it wasn't for Wanda's ultimatum for me handling the situation (as she lovingly puts that she's merely trying to contain the madness), you'd probably hear about me being discovered buried under a mound of copies and flyers and loose sheets. So we decided to take the plunge and call our domestic expert to come in and help. I thought I could amass a ton of shredding before the date arrived, but to no avail, the problem stared me in the face on that day.

Now, I was never really afraid to deal with the laborious task, as I would tell myself. Just never had the time to sit down and do it, though for many evenings after work it probably would have only required one or two hours to muddle through, for what, six or seven nights tops? It had to come to head on this one day.

I sat through shredding the current mail after moving all the stuff into one area so we could clean the rest of the space, and it felt like therapy going through everything. You know how you make something out more than what it is when you worry extra about it? The shredding was not as bad as I thought, though it did take a while. And you know what? It felt good to let go, to release all that junk and rid ourselves of useless things we most likely will never look at again. Wanda keeps urging me to call a professional shredder. I keep insisting that I can handle getting rid of it all myself, though I know that eventually I will have to call the folks soon. I guess I just want to prove that I can overcome this demon with a little help. But in all, I was exercising it without even knowing it. We had talked before of how clutter may be blocking our path to prosperity, but I was always like, "Well, it's only a few papers. How can that hurt?"

This is my testimony: The same day of the cleaning, as I was cleaning out my own blocked mind, a miracle of sorts took place. After our domestic assistant left, I checked the mail, as it was mid-afternoon when we finished. Looking through the paper envelopes (great, more stuff!), a check had come for Wanda from a part-time private practice job she held three years ago! Now, it's not like we were in desperate need of the money (though every extra penny helps), just extremely grateful. I finally realized that the point of God's lesson was there for me to discover. The clutter was, and is, blocking our prosperity, and nothing made me feel more powerful than discovering that lesson.

Of course, I still have a long way to go. But knowing that I could 1) overcome the burden of clutter I have known nearly all my years; and 2) learn the not-so-difficult lesson of opening up to God's blessings made everything that much more worthwhile. It's not just about having a clean house, but having a clean mind, clean spirit and clean heart. And clean means open, ready, willing to receive. Think about it. If there's anything in your life that is getting in your way, please get rid of it right now. Got clutter?

--Don

We are the Choices We Make as well as the Choices We Reject

We're DINKs (Dual Income No Kids), Don and I. We're not rich materialistically speaking. We've had our moments like most American couples when we didn't know who would be paid or how. But there is always enough plus. Unlike the DINKs stereotype we don't drive a Beemer, Hummer or Mercedes Benz. We've pretty much shied away from the whole leasing phenomena, preferring the standard 'ride it till the wheels fall off' principle. Which is why we own two basic automobiles with high mileage and low street cred. We also don't leave in a big, high mortgage house in the burbs nor a fancy condo downtown. We live in a very kid friendly, middle income neighborhood. With neighbors that say 'hi and bye' and watch your house while you're out of town. We didn't plan it this way. Like my favorite song 'Testify' says

Sometimes you won't understand why life is the way it is
Things don't always go the way you planned them

We've wanted to be parents from the beginning, just not right away. We wanted time. Time alone. Together. Time for us each to find our own grove. Time to explore the many facets of who we are individually and as a couple. We wanted money too. Money to buy shoes and TiVo. Money to go out to eat and find favorite restaurants. Money for traveling. We just got back from a voyage to Cancun (it's beautiful by the way--the green of the Caribbean Sea is like nothing on earth). We just wanted time and some money to spend freely and without feeling guilty that it wasn't going into a college fund or savings for braces (which we both knew our kid would need). Finally a few years ago, time ran out and we decided to take the whole 'let's be a family' thing to another level. We started 'trying.' But God has a sense of humor and turns out we're in the 'resource room' of reproduction (if you don't know it 'resource room' is the place they send kids who need extra help to achieve academic standards in public schools). With a few minor (and one major--I had fibroids removed) medical interventions we got everything straigthened out but for some reason no takers. Our plumbing just wouldn't match up and when it did...well, we're still DINKs. No one can say it better than Diane Reeves sings it though,

I believe that God and time are synonymous and

Through time God reveals all things

We weren't interested in having medicine take all the credit for making us a family. So we chose, against doctors' recommendation, not to take a more aggressive approach to getting us out of the 'resource room of reproduction.' We chose adoption. We decided to

Be Still

Stand in Love

And Pay Attention

If you haven't heard it, you should really listen to "Testify" it's on the Muzik of the Mind and Spirit-a Concept Compilation CD. Anyway, choosing adoption is both a very personal and a very political decision for us. We understand the social and political implications of an African American (for lack of a better category) middle class couple choosing adoption means for our community. If you don't know it, of the 100,000 children who enter the foster care system each year more than 40% of them are African American. That's not to say that every child entering the foster care system will remain there into perpetuity. Many parents whose children are removed are poor and facing very tough challenges all their own. Middle and upper class kids don't get removed from their families of origin at anywhere near the same rate as working class, and poor kids do--regardless of race. We want to be very clear though, we're in this not to 'save' a kid from the injustices of institutionalized class ism in the foster care system. Choosing to be a family is bigger than the social and political implications. Choosing to be a family is about

Standing in Love

It's about

Surrender

It's about

Believing

There is more to life than status, shoes and electronic gadgets. There is more. We have more to give than money. As DINKs we get hit up alot from political parties, religious groups, and charitable organizations. They figure, we don't have kids we must have a lot of disposable income, right? Remember Luke 12:34

Wherever your treasure is,

There your heart and thoughts will also be.

Our treasure has never been in things or status. Our treasure has always been family. The chose to adopt is personal. Intensely personal. We want to be parents and we realize that somewhere out there our kid is waiting on us so that we can be a family together. Believing that we are the choices we make, we want it to be clear to our kids...with every other possibility continuing the DINKs lifestyle, medical interventions, dwelling on why me...we choose to be parents. What's freedom if not standing in love and living your choice?

Stewardship, Tithing and Other Things We Never Thought We'd Do

A steward is a person who manages another's property, administers anything as the agent of another and/or has charge of the household of another by buying or obtaining food and etc. In a sense we're all stewards. We've all heard the addage

You can't take it with you.

The reality is that the things we accumulate: clothes, shoes, cars, house, money, jewelry, computers, whatever...are temporary disposable goods. The stuff that makes us comfortable, acceptable, enviable--can all be washed away, burned, lost, stolen, destroyed. If you've ever survived a fire, tornado, hurricane or other disaster you know what we're talking about. We generally don't ask people after a fire has totaled their house--"What about the stuff?" Generally we say and pray

I'm glad you made it though.

We are on a journey called harmonious wealth building. Its our intention to build wealth in five areas of our life: spirituality, physical health, intellectual wealth, financial wealth, and wealth in our relationships. We know, however, that if we are not good stewards over what has already been given to us...we can't expect to increase our fold. This journey isn't about collecting more stuff...it is about learning to care for what we've been given and to share without hesitation what is needed. Luke 16:10-12 states:

Anyone who can be trusted in little matters, can also be trusted in important matters. But anyone who is dishonest in little matters, will be dishonest in important matters. If you cannot be trusted with this wicked wealth, who will trust you with true wealth? And if you cannot be trusted with what belongs to someone else, who will give you something that will be your own?

We worry about the little stuff. We really worry about the little stuff. There have been times when Don has nearly lost it over a pair of shoes I brought home. Likewise, I'm not always crazy about his penchant for albums, video games and all things electronic. It's amazing how we'll lock down money for "the next big thing" but scrimp and scavenge for daily living. We do this even when "the next big thing" isn't even defined. Do you

Set Something Aside for a Rainy Day

What if the rainy day never comes? What if every day is a rainy day? Remember everything we have is lent to us by our Creator. If you can be a good steward over pennies, that quality will transcend into good stewardship over millions. But if you're robbing Peter to pay Paul (and who among us hasn't) the dollar figure in your bank account or piggy bank is moot. Having faith in your 'flock' is more important that counting the members of your 'flock.' This believe it or not is why we tithe.

Tithing is Spiritual Discipline...exercise for your Spiritual Muscles.

How do you build a muscle? Resistance, right? You have to pull it and stretch it to help it develop. That's what tithing is for us. Many people think about tithing in terms of 'who's getting the money and what are they doing with it.' We've decided to take another route. We tithe our talent, time and treasures. We turn these things over to God. Sometimes the recepient is 'worthy' and sometimes we wonder if God may be leading us astray (of course He's not) because we don't always know why or how come we're being led to tithe to this organization or person. But we do it. We move past the resistance and flex our spiritual muscle. In the end we've learned that when we tithe many blessings have come to us as a result. God provides each and every time. When we tithe we see an increase in our

Time, Talent and Treasure

The abundance in store waiting for us rains down. We realize how blessed we truly are in our spiritual life, our health, our intellect, our relationships and our finances. Tithing is about believing in the unseen. When you know like you know your own name that your needs are already taken care of then you're spiritual muscle is flexed and stronger. True harmonious wealth is a journey not a destination. Financial stewardship is just one of the five points of light on this path of True Fearfree Living.

What We Know About Faith We Learned from our Dogs Buster and BoDiddley

Our dogs never cease to amaze us. Whenever something happens (lightening, bloody toe, mad rabid squirrel) they just shake it off and keep right on going. No matter how small or large the scare they have an unwavering belief that what they need most will be provided. This innate sense tells them that they will be taken care of no matter what. The object of their faith is us. Have you ever seen the bumper sticker:

I want to be the person my dog thinks I am.

Faith is believing in that which we cannot see. We know that it is there, however, it has not revealed itself to us at that moment. Years ago we began a journey together. We decided it was our mission to serve. To use what we know, what we have to help someone else. We've gone in so many directions...political campaigning, teaching parenting classes, financial education seminars, breast cancer walks, AIDS awareness rallies, fighting against anti-affirmative action and even our own radio show. We believe in our hearts that God's intent for us (for all of us) is to serve. Our only question throughout these years has been:

How may we serve?

This is where faith comes in...often when we think of service we consider first the sacrifice. Right? What is it going to cost me? What will I have to give up? Just think about the clothes we cast off (at least once a year) they're always the worn, torn used up things that have gone out of style, out of shape or are no longer useful to you. We are always so concerned about there not being enough to go around. Concerned that one act of service will leave us...without. Our dogs can be very selfish somebodies. After all they're dogs, right? But let one of us feel under the weather or sad or just a bit out of sorts...it is their instinct to come to us and see what they can do to serve.

Service is the ultimate act of faith.

When you give without condition, you release and let go of the "stuff" that keeps you locked in the monotony of small thinking. Once that gets moved out of your way, you make room for something greater. Think about it...if a dog can have faith that he'll be fed, why can't we have faith that we'll be taken care of? If a dog can let go of his comfort to see about his people...why can't we and believe that everything will be okay? If our dogs can have faith then so can we. Nathaniel Branden writes

The greatest crime we commit against ourselves is not that we may deny and disown our shortcomings but that we deny and disown our greatness--because it frightens us.

Have a little faith and remember whose you are.

My Life is a Living Prayer

When you grow up in church you get real use to hearing prayers. Generally, they're long and full of eloquent soliloquies about God's goodness and mercy. There were times in the baptist churches of our childhoods when we can remember prayers lasting for an hour or longer. Times when it seemed the prayers were punctuated with singing and long piano solos and lasted for what felt like forever when you're seven and have to take a bathroom break. Do you remember these quotes from the Bible...

...Even the rocks and trees shall cry out praises to the
Lord [so] Let everything that has breath praise the
Lord...

A whisper is just as powerful a prayer as the long drawn out monologues of our childhoods. Maya Angelou once said,

'Thank You' is a complete prayer.

If 'thank you' is a complete sentence, why wouldn't it be a complete prayer? Why wouldn't "help" be a complete prayer? There's no formula for praying. Prayer and meditation are synonyms for us. Most practitioners see meditation as great silences. We see them as great communions. In meditation and prayer you get the directions you need to move your life forward. Prayer is about communion. It's about connection. When we pray it's to get back in touch with something bigger than ourselves. We pray because in our prayer we gain understanding and a sense of belonging you simply can't get anywhere else. We make our lives harder than they should be because we don't follow the path that has been made for us. Prayer takes us back there. Your life, of course, is the living prayer of this blog's title. How can your life be a living prayer? Khalil Gibran wrote in The Prophet

I cannot teach you how to pray in words. God listens not to your words save when He Himself utters them through your lips. And I cannot teach you the prayer of the seas and the forests and the mountains. But you who are born of the mountains and the forests and the seas can find their prayer in your heart, And if you but listen in the stillness of the night you shall hear them saying in silence, 'Our God, who art our winged self, it is thy will in us that willeth..."

Your life is the prayer God prayed. You are divine and deserving. We encourage you to use prayer and meditation. By sitting still and silently communing with your Higher Power you move right into the life of your dreams.

Amen.

Pay Attention to your Intentions

Thoughts, feelings, actions are all hindered or helped based on intention. Intention is the motivation behind the action or thought or feeling. It is one of the least considered aspects of our lives that truly affects us.

Wanda--In this process of self discovery I become more aware everyday of the motivation behind my actions. Don and I have recently decided to make some changes in our lives to be more healthy. Exercising four times a week and stopping all eating three hours before bed are the hallmark of our new health stance. Originally, my prayer was for total health and well being for my life. But going to the gym and being around all the fit and athletic people...i (ego me) began to notice that my body was not fit or athletic...i begin to compete and judge and wanted to look and feel like the woman on the treadmill next to me...my intentions for total health and well being shifted and become more about 'looking sexy'...that's when things backfired...at first going to the gym gave me energy and released stress from my day...working out became an extension of my morning meditation...but the more my intentions changed the less positive the experience. My intention to be 'sexy' began to sabotage my prayer for total health and well being. I (the divine in me) has to put this thing back on track and take over my intention. But i (ego me) has to surrender and could only do so after discovering how intentions set outside of God's truth for me will stop the blessings.

Don--In learning about my intentions I found that i (ego me) have become less important as i have learned how to align my intentions with what I (divine me) desire. Once I started journaling the things that I am grateful for everyday and keep with our goal of total health by going to the gym four times a week I've become stress-free and healthier than I could have ever imagined to be. Last week when I ran my usual daily regiment of 1 mile around the track at the gym I found that I could run a mile in 7.5 minutes. That's even better than when I ran in high school when it took me almost 11 minutes to run the same distance. But without aligning my intentions with my desire of having spiritual, physical and emotional wealth this most likely would not have been possible. I've noticed that in past times when I've gone to the gym I've still felt tired and drained. This is because my intentions were counter to what i wanted for myself physically. It is only with God's blessing that at this point in my life this would even be possible.

It is imperative that you be honest with yourself about your intentions. As we learn more about the Law of Attraction and how it works in our life we need to pay attention to our intentions. You could hold in your mind the desire for a million dollars but intend for the money to be used as a way of revenge or manipulation of another. Those feelings taint the faith and corrupt your ability to access the blessing God has in store for you. Don't impede on your blessing. Correct your intentions and place the divine in you (I) in charge.

With Love.

Welcome to Fearfree Living

Fearfree Living, as we see it, is 'harmonious' wealth building. When you release fear, you open yourself up to the truth of who you are and your life's purpose. This path to true prosperity includes spiritual wealth, physical wealth, financial wealth, wealth in your relationships, and intellectual wealth.

These five points of light form a star, a star within each and everyone of us. We are all stars, stars that can shine brightly if we allow the light to flow through us.

Fearfree Living is based on the premise that the outer result of wealth is a symbol of the inner growth that nurtures the spirit, feeds the mind and body. Taking control and releasing fear means you know your worth. Your worth cannot be measured. Things alone will not increase your worth, but your self worth (that value you give yourself) has a direct impact on your ability to build wealth. Recognize that the river of blessings that flow into your life supply you with what you need at all times. This is crucial to understanding that your wealth is increased by your faith and accepting the inner power within you, which we call God, that manifests blessings through you. When you accept your inner genius, your inner peace, your inner source, you become empowered to make changes in your life. You begin to let go of fear. You understand your divine birthright and are ready to shine!

Our blog will include wealth building principles, links to websites, blogsites and other information to help you live without fear.