We are the Choices We Make as well as the Choices We Reject

We're DINKs (Dual Income No Kids), Don and I. We're not rich materialistically speaking. We've had our moments like most American couples when we didn't know who would be paid or how. But there is always enough plus. Unlike the DINKs stereotype we don't drive a Beemer, Hummer or Mercedes Benz. We've pretty much shied away from the whole leasing phenomena, preferring the standard 'ride it till the wheels fall off' principle. Which is why we own two basic automobiles with high mileage and low street cred. We also don't leave in a big, high mortgage house in the burbs nor a fancy condo downtown. We live in a very kid friendly, middle income neighborhood. With neighbors that say 'hi and bye' and watch your house while you're out of town. We didn't plan it this way. Like my favorite song 'Testify' says

Sometimes you won't understand why life is the way it is
Things don't always go the way you planned them

We've wanted to be parents from the beginning, just not right away. We wanted time. Time alone. Together. Time for us each to find our own grove. Time to explore the many facets of who we are individually and as a couple. We wanted money too. Money to buy shoes and TiVo. Money to go out to eat and find favorite restaurants. Money for traveling. We just got back from a voyage to Cancun (it's beautiful by the way--the green of the Caribbean Sea is like nothing on earth). We just wanted time and some money to spend freely and without feeling guilty that it wasn't going into a college fund or savings for braces (which we both knew our kid would need). Finally a few years ago, time ran out and we decided to take the whole 'let's be a family' thing to another level. We started 'trying.' But God has a sense of humor and turns out we're in the 'resource room' of reproduction (if you don't know it 'resource room' is the place they send kids who need extra help to achieve academic standards in public schools). With a few minor (and one major--I had fibroids removed) medical interventions we got everything straigthened out but for some reason no takers. Our plumbing just wouldn't match up and when it did...well, we're still DINKs. No one can say it better than Diane Reeves sings it though,

I believe that God and time are synonymous and

Through time God reveals all things

We weren't interested in having medicine take all the credit for making us a family. So we chose, against doctors' recommendation, not to take a more aggressive approach to getting us out of the 'resource room of reproduction.' We chose adoption. We decided to

Be Still

Stand in Love

And Pay Attention

If you haven't heard it, you should really listen to "Testify" it's on the Muzik of the Mind and Spirit-a Concept Compilation CD. Anyway, choosing adoption is both a very personal and a very political decision for us. We understand the social and political implications of an African American (for lack of a better category) middle class couple choosing adoption means for our community. If you don't know it, of the 100,000 children who enter the foster care system each year more than 40% of them are African American. That's not to say that every child entering the foster care system will remain there into perpetuity. Many parents whose children are removed are poor and facing very tough challenges all their own. Middle and upper class kids don't get removed from their families of origin at anywhere near the same rate as working class, and poor kids do--regardless of race. We want to be very clear though, we're in this not to 'save' a kid from the injustices of institutionalized class ism in the foster care system. Choosing to be a family is bigger than the social and political implications. Choosing to be a family is about

Standing in Love

It's about

Surrender

It's about

Believing

There is more to life than status, shoes and electronic gadgets. There is more. We have more to give than money. As DINKs we get hit up alot from political parties, religious groups, and charitable organizations. They figure, we don't have kids we must have a lot of disposable income, right? Remember Luke 12:34

Wherever your treasure is,

There your heart and thoughts will also be.

Our treasure has never been in things or status. Our treasure has always been family. The chose to adopt is personal. Intensely personal. We want to be parents and we realize that somewhere out there our kid is waiting on us so that we can be a family together. Believing that we are the choices we make, we want it to be clear to our kids...with every other possibility continuing the DINKs lifestyle, medical interventions, dwelling on why me...we choose to be parents. What's freedom if not standing in love and living your choice?